The grass may be greener but...

Many people say, 'The grass is greener on the other side'. Many believe that it isn't. Everything is the same. I say it is greener on the other side. But you have to make decisions that lead you there and of course you are probably going to bring the same problems with you. Problems don't drop because you have finally made it to that 'greener' side. I don't want to be skeptical about it mostly because my mood will just.. die, but I want to be realistic. I think I have finally made it to that side. I have focused in on my school work and I am finally getting grades I want. Most of them are above the 90's... except one but I will raise that if it's the last thing I do. I thought, like it seems many others do, that things will get much easier when you get to that side. When you have everything planned out and you are satisfied with your grades. Well you know what? It is just as hard. I thought this anchor would be lifted off my shoulders when really it had babies or something. Stress comes in heavy loads and I have to balance homework, sleep, food, and hanging out with my friends. Most people would say 'don't hang out with your friends as much'. My friends are a bit sensitive though and things are a bit rough right now as is. And if I pull away anymore they will think I don't want to be friends with them when really they are what makes me happy most of the time. I also have to fulfill religious stuff to keep my family at bay. Homework comes by cruise liners and sleep is very slim. I do get a lot of sleep when I add it all up but most of the time the sleep comes in shifts. 3 hours of sleep, 1 hour interval of sitting there waiting to fall asleep, 4 hours of sleep, 1 more hour of sitting there. And it goes on and on and by the end of the school day when my friend Kaitlyn wants me to come over to her house while I have homework and I am sleep deprived it becomes a bit hard. However I seem to balance it... ok. Sometimes I have to skip out on her so I can do homework, other times I do go over to her house but then I stay up till 12 doing homework which limits me to 6 hours of sleep if I do even sleep the whole night.
So the greener side isn't much better.
These are the things I have given up on:

-Hanging out as much as I used to
-Activities like going to the mall or the movies
-Relationships(Never been in one, tried too. I fail what can I say)
-I have tried to back away from getting in the middle of drama. Drama seems to take up a lot of time.


That's what I have so far.

So now I will go on a rant about my view on 'drama'. No not the glorious theatre drama. Drama as in, fighting, quarrelling etc. This seems to happen on a daily basis whether it may be a tiny dilemma or a serious issue. And in the end, it doesn't even really matter. I think this can all be linked to the sickness: Teenager-itis. Life has shown that teenagers always suffer drama whether it comes in small increments or constant loads of elephant sized boxes. And not just boxes, boxes full of screams and tantrums and all the horrible stuff you can think of.

Please if you are going to comment don't tell me I am looking on the bad side of life and I am being a huge party pooper because the only thing I am doing right now is analyzing my life and maybe even some of yours.

How can we cure this sickness? It is so simple some don't even think of it. First... we have to grow up. If you know me, you know I am far from mature but you know I absolutely despise fighting and would rather eat sauerkraut than carry on a quarrel. Second... we have to get over our egos. I do believe everyone has an ego and the result of fights come from people being protective of their things, or just being conceited. Third... we have to face the facts, these fights won't matter to us in a year or two so why do they matter now? Get over it.

I know I am being harsh and now let me resolve some questions that might be coming up in your mind.

One exception for relationship drama, if you just broke up with someone then yes, you may be sad. And yes sympathy will be given without a thought, and hopefully we will be able to heal you, or help you. However if it lasts and goes on and on... that's just too long. I went through this with a friend of mine and she is the exception... she went through a hard split and after a while her depression got tiring. Then at the end we noticed, she was trying to help herself but... certain things just.. brought her down and it was nearly impossible to keep a smile on her face.

An example of what I am talking about is when you have gone out and broken up and you have been broken up for nearly a year now. You still complain, and you bring down everyone's mood and you complain about things. You think you need to protect that person and make them feel happy every second of the day in hopes they will take you back. Not to be mean, but it just won't happen. They probably moved on and if you know they moved on and are still like this you need to back off and just revert back to being a friend.


I'm sorry that I made this whole post about me, this is just a one or.. two time thing. Needed to vent, if this helped any of you, I am glad. If this brought down you all's mood, I apologize. And if you don't agree and want to argue I would rather not, but it would be interesting to know your opinions and I would be glad to read them.
Is it sunny where you live? It is where I am. And let me tell you, I missed Mr. Sun.


.:Kathryn:.

-Valentines Day-

For some, this day of the year is happy. You spend it with you loved one. Others are alone and hate the holiday. Or you are just simply alone and bored to tears. Or maybe you go out and have sex, many different scenarios. More me I don't particularly hate Valentines Day, but I am not a big fan of it. I don't really have anything to do that day, and I become quite envious of couples. I found this poem online about some poor guy who met this girl right after Valentines day, here I will type the poem. It tells the story.


I gave her
my thousandth crane
telling her
.she.
was my wish

I planted my
lips
upon her cheek
and apologized
for being
cheesy
and cliche

Only an hour
after
our first date
She cut it off.

What do I wish for now...



GAH. I am making cranes right now but I am not going to wish on love, I am going to wish on more friends or something. That's sad though... Oh well.
That is the depressing Valentines day poem.
Anyways I actually have school tomorrow so I have to go do my Geometry homework. Sadness.

Goodbye everyone~

-Kathryn-

Yet another.. odd poem

Well, I found another poem.... but... it doens't make sense to me now. But poetry isn't supposed to mean anything, it should just be. So i guess I pass that qualification.

Going down the street
all I see
are prostitutes
and peoples car keys
the world never seems to change
in the century we have to endure
people still losing things
people still selling things
if you know what I mean
not just their knick knacks
but their bodies
any surprise I see?
Not really
crimson satin corsets
brass keys attached to a metal ring
lying on the street
stabbing hot rubber
crashing, flying, dying
no one notices though
'just another incident in this century'
why did the owner of these keys leave them on the street?
must have been selling her figure
because the card on her keys
resembles the mascot of a strip club
down the street
Limp brunette curls
Skin hugging corset
and a skirt that barely covers her ass
why do women degrade themselves so much
to give their bodies to men
to be messed with
only for pleasure
it's sickening, disturbing, frightening
that these jobs are even available
int his godforsaken century of sluts and war
hopelessness, lying, calamity
as I walked into the strip club
to find the owner of these keys
the strong smell of beer
and mens pleas
paralyzed my senses
and sent me into a mood somewhat curious
and
melancholy
Why get drunk and have a hangover?
why have someone give you pleasure
When the next day all they do is take your money?
The complexities of the human mind
sent me into a typhoon
of curiosity
and pity
"Hey baby
want me to give you some pity?"
Oh Aphrodite I wish I could
But I am smarter than that
I would if I could
but I shant for the sake of my wallet
and my feelings.
I stuck the keys
in her cleavage and said
"Honey, baby
you have better qualities than your body
you have a bright smile sculpted from ivory
and an attractive personality
but an aura that emits a loathing touch
give up your job
and come live with me
for the sake of your humanity
and ple3ase..
don't leave your keys
where people can pass on
unknowingly
it's all your fault
you horrifying, seductive beauty
you are responsible
for this incomprehensible irony
but still come with me
and lets pass
through this era of tragedy





What's interesting about poetry is that certain images and colors show up in your mind. For this I was trying to get browns, and crimsons, maybe a beige and an occasional green. What did you get?

-Kathryn-